Bah Humbug.

So the holidays are over, and maybe you were one of the six trillion (actual statistic, I promise!) people who returned a bad gift. Maybe you were still in a food coma from all the pie you ate yesterday. Or maybe you've spent all day thinking philosophical thoughts whilst achieving your best-ever killstreak on MW3, which you got yesterday and have already played for thirty hours straight.

I, however, did none of those things. I began, not for the first time, to contemplate my second-to-least favorite holiday, and how I would spend it. That holiday being New Year's Eve.

You want to know why I loathe New Year's Eve so much? Of course not, but let me tell you anyway. New Year's Eve is a couple's holiday, or a party-er's holiday. And I happen to be neither of those things.

I have been single (or alone for other reasons) on New Year's Eve for the past...every damn year, actually. And when you're at a New Year's party and every other person in the room kisses their significant other at midnight, you tend to feel a little more alone and down than you did before. Oh but wait! It gets better. All my friends have boyfriends, except for one. Maybe we'll have a pity party for two, because I sure as hell am not going to be hanging out with any of my attached friends.

And the partying bit. I am not a party-er. I don't drink and I don't do drugs. So the whole "get so drunk that you don't even care that every other person in the world is kissing someone right now" thing doesn't work for me. I won't pretend I haven't been tempted to try, though.

This year though, will suck extra-huge amounts, because instead of wallowing in self-pity alone in my room like I have done in the past, or buying new music to fill the gaping wound in my soul (as I have also done...), my parents decided to have a party. So my house will be filled with their friends, and also my sister's friends, because she too is inviting some people...luckily her friends won't be bringing their boyfriends if they have them, though.

So I will be forced to be social in a time when I just want a gallon of ice cream and angry music. Well, maybe just the music actually... But that is not the point. The point is, I will be forced to actually talk to people on my second-least-favorite day of the year. You know what I do on my actual least-favorite day (which is Valentine's Day, if you were wondering)? I stay home. All day. And do absolutely nothing. Why? Because I can't stand talking to people (and being nice to them) when I'm just unhappy in general because of something as stupid as a calendar date.

It's just depressing. So I avoid it like the freakin' plague. But this year I can't.

And to make matter worse, I will be pining and whining. Just in my head though. Don't worry, outwardly I shall be the perfect, smiley hostess. But inside, I will be contemplating what I perceive to be my only three options:

1. Continue lying to someone I care about.
2. Continue lying to myself.
3. Hurt both myself and the person I care about by ignoring said person until the problem goes away.

I will continue debating what I should do for a while...but I know what I should do. It's super awkward because this is usually the person I talk to my problems about, but now that this person has become a big part of the issue, I cannot do that. I also cannot talk to anyone else about it, because they will just tell me they told me so. Really really, deep down, I know I should just be honest about the issue and see what happens from there. But I can't. I just can't. So I will probably decide on the most equal option and ignore the heck out of this person until I feel like I can handle it again.

It might be a while, and I don't know where things will stand when I suddenly reappear, but this is what's best,  really. Maybe. I hope.

And on that note, I go off the sleepy land. Goodnight.

--Razza Ragazza