It Has Begun...

Finals week doesn't officially begin until Monday, at least not at my school...but that doesn't mean you won't see several disturbing victims of Finals Madness, or even feel the symptoms yourself. Here are some helpful tips for identifying individuals with this frightening ailment or perhaps diagnosing yourself with it:

1. You/they have read through at least one entire textbook.
2. You/they know exactly where the good chairs and study carrels are in the library.
3. You/they have located and studied every syllabus for every class to find out what the final actually counts for.
4. You/they haven't been seen by friends or family in quite some time--but don't worry, you/they are just under that massive stack of books in the corner.
5. You/they haven't eaten a meal not consisting of library vending machine food in nearly a week.
6. You/they quiz every person they encounter about their various classes, and vigorously encourage said people to quiz them in return.
7. You/they begins speaking exclusively in whatever language they are studying, or, if not in a language class, will talk about nothing but biology/physics/calculus/etc.
8. You/they insist upon waking up at an ungodly hour each morning so as to "maximize study time." You/they also turn on all the lights in the dorm, thereby waking up a probably angry roommate who has had his/her Finals Madness inoculations.
9. You/they appear from the depths of the library, having not slept in days, covered in highlighter and bits of flashcards.
10. You/they actually fully understand the material for all your classes.

If you find that you are exhibiting these symptoms, please seek help immediately. We all love and care about you very much, and we don't like seeing you like this. This disease is curable and preventable, so get your immunizations before you're struck! It involves paying attention and studying all semester long, so it's painful, but think of the alternative! Nobody wants to live in the library.

But if you'll excuse me, I have to go read my textbook and syllabuses, as well as eat my late dinner of frappacino and skittles. See you in a week or so! Don't be alarmed about the highlighters and flashcards. It's healthy, I swear!

--Razza Ragazza