Existential Crises

(Post inspired in part by videos by danisnotonfire, found here.)

I love college. I love my friends. I love my classes, professors, jobs, coworkers, the whole nine yards.

But.

I've been very stressed lately. I have a lot of work to do, and I'm busy approximately 100% of the time. This means that when I get a few minutes off, I need to use them to do homework. But I've never been very good with things when they need to be done. I don't do well with need and now. So in a small act of rebellion against "the man," who is in reality just me, I don't really do the things that need to be done now. Instead, I watch youtube videos, netflix, hang out with friends, check my email, clean, make blog posts... just about anything to avoid doing what needs to be done now.

Most people would classify this as procrastination. To a point, it is. But it goes a lot deeper than that. I fight what needs to be done simply because it needs to be done, because I guess I don't truly understand why it needs to be done.

I mean, I understand that I need to do the homework and the reading to understand the material and get a good grade on the exam and all. And I have to get good grades on exams in order to pass the class, and I need the class to get my degree. I need the degree to get a job. I need the job to make money to support myself. I also need the job for mental stimulation, and to make a difference in the world.

But why do I need to support myself, mentally stimulate myself, and make a difference? I want to work to protect the environment and everything, but why do I want to do that? Why does it matter? The sun in going to supernova at some point, and that's it, bye-bye Earth and everything on it. So what's the point?