I have, unfortunately, caught the octopus fever. I think if I can just wait it out until after prom, I'll be okay. But right now, I'm all about the octopus. You should see all the tabs I have open right now. There's an octopus ear cuff, a flying hexapus necklace pendant, of course an octopus ring, even octopus nail art. But that's not all! I am currently searching for octopus-themed high heels for prom, and surprisingly, I have located several pairs. Unfortunately, they are all far out of my price range, as they cost more than my dress itself did. And that just isn't gonna happen. Sorry, octopus-shoe-people. The urge is strong, from the fever. But I shall resist.
Please, if you know anyone afflicted by this horrible disease, LET THEM BE. We do not like to be bothered when we are suffering an attack, and if you should interrupt our quests for octopus-related items or octopus-related information, we may actually bite your head off. I personally have done this three times.
However, if one of your friends tells you that s/he is going to join the noble octopi in the ocean to learn more about their culture, you should probably at least try to stop her or him.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Ugh, badness.
I have exactly four days until Friday. And what is it that is so interesting about Friday? I'm so glad you asked! Friday is the stupid day that my stupid school decided that they would stop selling the stupid tickets for the stupid prom, and I have until exactly that day to find a stupid date to go to that stupid prom. Also, my stupid dress hasn't come in yet, I can't find the stupid octopus ring anywhere, and I haven't ordered that stupid octopus ear cuff yet.
Actually, very little of that stuff is stupid. And also that word has lost all meaning for me, possibly forever.
Actually, very little of that stuff is stupid. And also that word has lost all meaning for me, possibly forever.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
More Prom Stuff...
I need to clean me bathroom. This is relevant because I am typing this whilst lying on my bathroom floor. Also, I need a softer floor. Why am I in my bathroom? Good question. It's probably because I like my bathroom. It is my favorite room in my house, because nobody bothers me when I'm in here. Not that they would right now anyways; my family is asleep, as are most reasonable people at a quarter to one in the morning.
What was I supposed to be talking about? Oh right, prom. That. Well... do you want the good news first, or the bad news? The good news? Well, that sucks. I'm writing and I say bad news.
UP can't go to prom. Well, he maybe could, but he isn't gonna find out until April 20th, and my prom is May 5th. I don't want to leave it until two weeks beforehand to know for certain if I'll have a date. This is utterly disappointing, and I was quite upset about it at first. Actually... I still am. Not only upset, but FREAKING OUT. Because I now have five weeks and six days to find a date. Not that I'm, uh, counting or anything. But yeah... I am freaking out, because I don't talk to that many guys. Or rather... I don't talk to the ones I do talk to enough to make it not-awkward for me to ask them to prom. Le sigh.
And to those who say "Just go with a group of friends!" I respond quite depressingly: I have all of two friends at my high school, they both have boyfriends, and they aren't friends with each other so much. Now, I do have a lot of friends at a neighboring town's high school, but they are all girls. Now, not that I think there's anything wrong with taking a girl... I don't want to. Actually, I absolutely refuse to. Isn't gonna happen. I took Tee to the "winter formal," but that really wasn't much fun. It wasn't her fault, I probably wouldn't have had fun anyways. I almost never (by which I mean, have not up to this point) have fun at dances. But I feel like, for prom, having a date of the male variety would make it a lot more fun, even if it's totally clear that we are going as friends.
I feel like I have so few options right now. I haven't talked to Farmboy in ages. Sophomore is much less likable when he's stressed out/you spend more time with him. UP probably can't go. I talk to Jetta so infrequently that I haven't ever mentioned him here until now. Astronomy guy is 27, and Dragon is 22. Both too old.
That's my whole list, and it's crazy depressing in its shortness, and in its none-of-them-are-reasonable-ness. I'm seriously freaking out about this, probably more than I should. This is stressing me out so much. So, so much.
Let's move on. My mom ordered my dress the other day, so here is my final decision:
What was I supposed to be talking about? Oh right, prom. That. Well... do you want the good news first, or the bad news? The good news? Well, that sucks. I'm writing and I say bad news.
UP can't go to prom. Well, he maybe could, but he isn't gonna find out until April 20th, and my prom is May 5th. I don't want to leave it until two weeks beforehand to know for certain if I'll have a date. This is utterly disappointing, and I was quite upset about it at first. Actually... I still am. Not only upset, but FREAKING OUT. Because I now have five weeks and six days to find a date. Not that I'm, uh, counting or anything. But yeah... I am freaking out, because I don't talk to that many guys. Or rather... I don't talk to the ones I do talk to enough to make it not-awkward for me to ask them to prom. Le sigh.
And to those who say "Just go with a group of friends!" I respond quite depressingly: I have all of two friends at my high school, they both have boyfriends, and they aren't friends with each other so much. Now, I do have a lot of friends at a neighboring town's high school, but they are all girls. Now, not that I think there's anything wrong with taking a girl... I don't want to. Actually, I absolutely refuse to. Isn't gonna happen. I took Tee to the "winter formal," but that really wasn't much fun. It wasn't her fault, I probably wouldn't have had fun anyways. I almost never (by which I mean, have not up to this point) have fun at dances. But I feel like, for prom, having a date of the male variety would make it a lot more fun, even if it's totally clear that we are going as friends.
I feel like I have so few options right now. I haven't talked to Farmboy in ages. Sophomore is much less likable when he's stressed out/you spend more time with him. UP probably can't go. I talk to Jetta so infrequently that I haven't ever mentioned him here until now. Astronomy guy is 27, and Dragon is 22. Both too old.
That's my whole list, and it's crazy depressing in its shortness, and in its none-of-them-are-reasonable-ness. I'm seriously freaking out about this, probably more than I should. This is stressing me out so much. So, so much.
Let's move on. My mom ordered my dress the other day, so here is my final decision:
Modcloth's website is an idiot for not letting me save a decent-size picture.
It meets most/some/meh of my requirements. It's flowy and cute and I'll wear it more than once. It is not organic, environmentally-friendly, or non-strapless. However, it was only $90. Accessory money!
Which I will need, because this
is fifty dollars. And I must have it! There's also a ring that sorta-ish matches it, but its on modcloth and we've already discussed the stupidity of that website.
And now a hair picture, and then I will go to bed because shit is pissing me off and now I'm depressed because of my datelessness, even more than I was before I decided to completely spell it out for myself, and the internet.
So here. Hair.
Oh and also maybe these paper corner-of-your-eye fake lashes. Haven't decided for sure. Let's just worry about the other stuff for the moment.
They match cause of the whole octopus thing. My prom theme is definitely Fucking Stupid Masquerade, though. Not I'm An Idiot Underwater, which would actually suck worse.
I'm gonna go now.
--Razza Ragazza
Sunday, March 18, 2012
I need sleep. Lots.
Generally I don't say things like this, because it makes me appear to be a cheerleader/gossip girl/other sort of "like, totally!" girl, but... Ohmygod, today was awful.
I don't even wanna talk about it.
I don't even wanna talk about it.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
A Word On Kool-Aid Dye
So in my last post, like two hours ago (I have no life), I spoke of kool-aid dye. Now, you guys know that my hair is artificially blonde at the moment. So I figured, hey! this could work!
No, no it could not. It looks terrible, but there are several redeeming factors:
1. It only lasts approximately two weeks.
2. It isn't hurting my hair at all, as real dye would have, both putting it in and taking it out.
3. Now I know, blue kool-aid does not make good blue dye.
4. I have learned, and perhaps in the future I will try a different method of kool-aid dye.
a) perhaps next time two packets of kool-aid would strengthen the color more?
b) perhaps a different color would show up better?
c) perhaps next time I should let it sit on my hair longer, or expose it to more heat?
5. Luckily, I was cautious, and my streak is on a middle-layer, so it isn't hugely apparent.
So, try this at your own peril, readers. It might work better on natural blondes, or with any of the above variations, or something. But that's all I had for now, so... 'Bye.
Razza Ragazza
No, no it could not. It looks terrible, but there are several redeeming factors:
1. It only lasts approximately two weeks.
2. It isn't hurting my hair at all, as real dye would have, both putting it in and taking it out.
3. Now I know, blue kool-aid does not make good blue dye.
4. I have learned, and perhaps in the future I will try a different method of kool-aid dye.
a) perhaps next time two packets of kool-aid would strengthen the color more?
b) perhaps a different color would show up better?
c) perhaps next time I should let it sit on my hair longer, or expose it to more heat?
5. Luckily, I was cautious, and my streak is on a middle-layer, so it isn't hugely apparent.
So, try this at your own peril, readers. It might work better on natural blondes, or with any of the above variations, or something. But that's all I had for now, so... 'Bye.
Razza Ragazza
I believe I may be able to write you a real post, now!
So the title promises you a real post, doesn't it? Right! So I will give you one! How about a prediction of how the month o' March will go? Sound good? Great! Cause I was definitely gonna do it anyways, even if you had cried out for mercy and said that your eyes were still bleeding from my recap of how February went.
Let's start with today, and go from there. Today, March 13th, I expect to end up with a blue streak in my hair again. How? Well, I'm glad you asked! I have kool-aid dye sitting on my lovely little head right now, actually. I plan to take it off by 5 o'clock. What is kool-aid dye? Excellent question! It's basically kool-aid powder mixed with a little (very little--I think I used too much) water, and then enough conditioner to make it a paste-y type thing. Then you smear it all up in however much hair you want to be {insert color here}, wrap it in foil, and wait! I think I'll put some heat on it later, too. Once I'm done writing this. (oh and also, in case you are some sort of idiot who needs everything spelled out for you, you have to rinse your hair after about an hour of the dye sitting on your head.)
And other things are happening today, too! Hermione is coming over later to watch scary movies on my shitty netflix, and also eat ice cream and possibly cupcakes. I'm not feelin' the ice cream/cupcake part, but the movies are always good! Even when they're bad they're good. Hermione just needs some sugar and some fright; she's been a bit down lately. Stuff with her madre and padre and college and such-like. Hopefully I can cheer her up!
So then, Wednesday and Thursday will go by. They will likely be very boring, broken up only by more boringness.
Friday, Blondie is maybe possibly going to spend the night. She has a talent show to do Friday night, so she might just go home after that. Have I mentioned she's an incredibly talented dancer? Cause she is. But anyways, if she doesn't spend the night she's gonna come over Saturday morning. I have a 4-H meeting Saturday morning, so I think she's gonna go to that with me, then she and Tee (who's also in my 4-H club) and I will go prom shopping! We are going to go downtown {nearby large-ish city} and then to David's Bridal, which is likely where Blondie and Tee will get their dresses. I want something a little more unique, personally. And also David apparently doesn't believe in short dresses for prom, because he has so rudely decided to stock NONE. They're all bridesmaids dresses. Jerk.
Then Blondie will go home after that. Tee will spend the night at my house, and early Sunday morning, we will go to the 4-H breakfast, which is my club's biggest fundraiser. Seriously, we make about $400 at this thing. In a small town, that's HUGE. Which is cool, but it's a lot of work, and my mom is in charge of it, so she's usually somewhat stressed about it.
Then, another week will go by. It will likely be rather uneventful, but then! Then Friday happens! And what is Friday, Friday the 23rd of March, you ask? Well, that is the bridge building competition, I will respond. So we need to get our papers written, our bridge built and decorated, and our presentation memorized by then. The paper is half-done, the bridge is maybe 1/4 done, and the skit is done, we just need to memorize it. So it should be eventful trying to get all that done before we go.
So that's my Friday and Saturday of that weekend. That Sunday will probably be pretty boring, just recuperating from bridge building maybe. Who knows. And after Sunday, another week will go by, the very last week of March!
Which means that that next weekend is the first weekend of spring break at my high school. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing. I will still have college all week, so I will be unable to thoroughly enjoy this supposed week off. Although I think I will invite Blondie to go rock-climbing (indoors) with me on that last Friday of break, because I do not have any college classes that day.
So there you go! My month in a quick read! Plus even a little bit of April, too! See, I'm so nice I even give you freebies!
--Razza Ragazza
Let's start with today, and go from there. Today, March 13th, I expect to end up with a blue streak in my hair again. How? Well, I'm glad you asked! I have kool-aid dye sitting on my lovely little head right now, actually. I plan to take it off by 5 o'clock. What is kool-aid dye? Excellent question! It's basically kool-aid powder mixed with a little (very little--I think I used too much) water, and then enough conditioner to make it a paste-y type thing. Then you smear it all up in however much hair you want to be {insert color here}, wrap it in foil, and wait! I think I'll put some heat on it later, too. Once I'm done writing this. (oh and also, in case you are some sort of idiot who needs everything spelled out for you, you have to rinse your hair after about an hour of the dye sitting on your head.)
And other things are happening today, too! Hermione is coming over later to watch scary movies on my shitty netflix, and also eat ice cream and possibly cupcakes. I'm not feelin' the ice cream/cupcake part, but the movies are always good! Even when they're bad they're good. Hermione just needs some sugar and some fright; she's been a bit down lately. Stuff with her madre and padre and college and such-like. Hopefully I can cheer her up!
So then, Wednesday and Thursday will go by. They will likely be very boring, broken up only by more boringness.
Friday, Blondie is maybe possibly going to spend the night. She has a talent show to do Friday night, so she might just go home after that. Have I mentioned she's an incredibly talented dancer? Cause she is. But anyways, if she doesn't spend the night she's gonna come over Saturday morning. I have a 4-H meeting Saturday morning, so I think she's gonna go to that with me, then she and Tee (who's also in my 4-H club) and I will go prom shopping! We are going to go downtown {nearby large-ish city} and then to David's Bridal, which is likely where Blondie and Tee will get their dresses. I want something a little more unique, personally. And also David apparently doesn't believe in short dresses for prom, because he has so rudely decided to stock NONE. They're all bridesmaids dresses. Jerk.
Then Blondie will go home after that. Tee will spend the night at my house, and early Sunday morning, we will go to the 4-H breakfast, which is my club's biggest fundraiser. Seriously, we make about $400 at this thing. In a small town, that's HUGE. Which is cool, but it's a lot of work, and my mom is in charge of it, so she's usually somewhat stressed about it.
Then, another week will go by. It will likely be rather uneventful, but then! Then Friday happens! And what is Friday, Friday the 23rd of March, you ask? Well, that is the bridge building competition, I will respond. So we need to get our papers written, our bridge built and decorated, and our presentation memorized by then. The paper is half-done, the bridge is maybe 1/4 done, and the skit is done, we just need to memorize it. So it should be eventful trying to get all that done before we go.
So that's my Friday and Saturday of that weekend. That Sunday will probably be pretty boring, just recuperating from bridge building maybe. Who knows. And after Sunday, another week will go by, the very last week of March!
Which means that that next weekend is the first weekend of spring break at my high school. What does this mean? Absolutely nothing. I will still have college all week, so I will be unable to thoroughly enjoy this supposed week off. Although I think I will invite Blondie to go rock-climbing (indoors) with me on that last Friday of break, because I do not have any college classes that day.
So there you go! My month in a quick read! Plus even a little bit of April, too! See, I'm so nice I even give you freebies!
--Razza Ragazza
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I keep forgetting to put titles, then I have to edit later to add one...
I think I'll talk some more. Well, write some more. Nobody reads this anyways, so... I can say whatever I want! It won't even get flagged! Oh, internet, how I enjoy filling you with pointless junk-words...
Anyways. Today's topic will be... Something fun... Something interesting that might hold the attention of a real person if one happened to accidentally stumble upon this acidic virus of a blog... I could talk about prom some more. I could definitely do that. Nobody would care or keep reading, but I could do it. I could for sure do it. Actually maybe I couldn't. It might be a stretch cause I don't have much more to say on the subject. But let's try, just for fun.
I have six short days until I'm going prom shopping. Which means I have six days to figure out what stores we should go to, what kind of dress I want, and how to pry $150-ish from my parents wallets. I'm thinking maybe if I steal a few dollars at a time several times a day they might not notice? ...anyway. I know vaguely what kind of dress I want, and it isn't even a huge deal if I don't get it when we go shopping because I can always get it from etsy. Like... Here, here, or here.
But I'd rather be able to try it on first to make sure it looks good on me.
And I'm obviously not very dedicated right now, as I've been writing this for like three hours.
'Bye
Razza Ragazza
Anyways. Today's topic will be... Something fun... Something interesting that might hold the attention of a real person if one happened to accidentally stumble upon this acidic virus of a blog... I could talk about prom some more. I could definitely do that. Nobody would care or keep reading, but I could do it. I could for sure do it. Actually maybe I couldn't. It might be a stretch cause I don't have much more to say on the subject. But let's try, just for fun.
I have six short days until I'm going prom shopping. Which means I have six days to figure out what stores we should go to, what kind of dress I want, and how to pry $150-ish from my parents wallets. I'm thinking maybe if I steal a few dollars at a time several times a day they might not notice? ...anyway. I know vaguely what kind of dress I want, and it isn't even a huge deal if I don't get it when we go shopping because I can always get it from etsy. Like... Here, here, or here.
But I'd rather be able to try it on first to make sure it looks good on me.
And I'm obviously not very dedicated right now, as I've been writing this for like three hours.
'Bye
Razza Ragazza
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Prom Stuff, and Such
I don't want to sleep for reasons I don't feel like getting into right now. So I'm gonna sit here and write what will probably end up being a very long and super shitty blog post instead. I have decided to write about prom. I will divide it up into nice easy bite-size categories for you so your brain doesn't explode with the teenage-girl-RAH-ness of it all.
First up: The Date
This part is easy because it's the only part I have actually completed so far, kind of. I asked my friend... My friend... My friend UP (for Upper Peninsula, which is where he's going to school) to go with me. And as you know, he said he'd "love to," but he also said he'd have to check on some stuff when he got back from spring break. Lucky dog went to Florida. And as I earlier alluded, there's a bit of a story with UP. No better place to put it than here!
So I met him at this 4-H thing. A thing I only went to because Ducky wanted me to, but it was a lot of fun and I'm really glad I went. UP had to leave a day early, but when he did, I made sure to get his phone number. Another thing I'm really glad I did. For a while after that, when we texted it was mostly just about the upcoming AP US History test. We met in March, and the test was in early May, so as you can imagine it was a little boring and forced for a bit. But I'm glad I persevered and kept talking to him.
Now, at some point, his long-term girlfriend had broken up with him. We're talking LONG long term, like two years long term. Not only was he entirely upset because he was no longer allowed to talk to her, he was upset because he soon learned she had a new boyfriend all of something like (exaggeration warning) two days later.
For some unfathomable reason, he decided I was a good person to vent to. And I am! People vent to me all the time, and I actually kind of like it. Makes my problems seem much less significant. Anyway, we were closer after that and we kept in touch better. Eventually he/we decided it would be an excellent idea to actually hang out, which we hadn't done since March because he lived two hours away from me and I didn't have my license yet.
So we went to a movie in a place that was halfway between my hometown and his. It was Mr. Popper's Penguins, I believe. Excellent date movie, right? Then after that we wandered around the little town some more, which was fun. We just wandered and talked until it was time to go. It was a lot of fun, really.
Then about a week or two went by and we were trying to figure out when we could hang out again. Somehow it came up that he really liked me, and I really liked him. So I very suavely asked if he wanted a girlfriend. He responded positively to that question.
But then I had 4-H Exploration Days, and he had Citizenship Washington Focus, which was another 4-H activity, and we couldn't hang out again until the Fourth of July, about three weeks later. He called me before leaving his house and said that he didn't really want to be in a relationship, especially a long distance one, right before college. I completely understood this, and I was totally okay with it. We still hung out and did the Fourth of July thing. We went to a a beach town and watched the fireworks from Blondie's dad's boat, with her then-boyfriend, the long term one I talked about before. Blondie and I owned UP and then-bf at euchre. It was fun.
The beach town we had gone to was about an hour and half from my house, and then an additional two hours from my house to his, and we got to my house at around 3 a.m., so as per the arrangements we had already made, UP stayed over at my house. Nothing happened, he slept upstairs in my room and I spent the night on the couch. He left early in the morning and all was well.
We made plans to hang out again that summer, but then my phone went haywire and I couldn't communicate for a while, and his truck broke down, and the fates just in general conspired against us. So I haven't seen him since the Fourth of July. But we still talk a lot, and we're close friends, so when the perfect opportunity arose, I had to take it. I believe the conversation went something like this:
UP: I can make anything fun.
Me: Even prom? Cause I don't think that's gonna be fun.
UP: Probably lol. :p
Me: Well would you please then? Haha.
UP: How?
Me: Ugh you're gonna make me actually say it. D'you wanna go to prom with me? And don't feel bad if you don't want to.
UP: When is it?
Me: May 5th, so kinda right after you get back from school lol.
UP: Well, I'll have to check my schedule when I get back, not this Sunday but next week. But I would love to :-)
Me: (on the inside) OH THANK GOD I'M SO HAPPY.
(on the outside) Okay cool, yeah just lemme know. Awesome! (:
So yeah. Looks like I have a prom date! I'm pretty happy about this. I probably would not have gone to prom if I hadn't been able to find a date. I just think it wouldn't be as much fun alone.
So, moving onwards then. Next category: The Dress!
This is really not even a category I should be writing about yet. I don't have a dress, and the idea I have in my head is not only totally unreasonably, but very self-conflicting. If that's even a thing. Lemme give you the basic parameters of what I want:
-Flowy
-Can wear more than once
-Eco-friendly; "green"
-Short
-Preferably has straps or halter top style
-Unique
-Summery
-Bright colors maybe, or else earthy colors, or maybe just black
-Under $120
It might be possible to get a dress to match up with all of that--right up until the "under $120" part. And my mom freaked out when I said that was my upwards limit! Seriously, some of my friends are buying dresses that they will only wear once that cost upwards of $200. I'm trying to wear mine multiple times, and my price limit is way under that!
I'm willing to give a little on the environmentally-friendly part just a little bit because a) eco-friendly formal dresses are really hard to find b) if you do find them they're generally super expensive, and c) I plan to wear it more than once so that should count for something. I'm willing to forgo the straps or halter top for the right dress, but ideally I won't have another strapless dress. I already have one of those, and I love it, but I only need one. As you can tell, there's a lot of leeway with the color. I think the perfect dress would be in earthy, softer tones, but I also very much like the idea of a brightly colored dress, and I'm a bit partial to black... Even though the aforementioned strapless dress I already own is black.
I'm not willing to give on the length requirement. I wouldn't ever wear a long dress after prom, so I think it would be a waste to get a long dress. That leads me to my next point: I have to be able to wear it more than once. I will not give on this, not ever. Unless, of course, I find the absolute perfect dress that meets all the other requirements, plus one more: it will look stunning underwater. This is because if I were to find this mysterious and probably mythical dress, I would trash it. I would have an epic and wonderful Trash the Dress shoot, and it would be marvelous. But anyways.
I would love for it to be unique. I definitely want to be the only one there in my dress, but more than that, I kinda sorta wanna be the only one there in a dress that looks anything like mine. I want to be the only one there in a dress that includes shells, for instance. I would totally wear a dress that had shells on it. Continuing along this line of thought, I want my dress to be summery and flowy and romantic, kinda. Which also puts it in line with the whole "wearing it more than once" thing.
But I'm quite sure a dress that meets all of these characteristics is either out of my price range or entirely non-existent. Which makes me sad, so lets move on.
Next Category: Shoes and Accessories
I was gonna put these separate, but I'm getting tired so I'll squish them together. Plus, there isn't a whole lot to say for either of them. Shoes first:
I'm not spending more than $20 on shoes. Preferably I'll just wear shoes I already have. But they definitely have to be heels. I'm literally only five feet tall, so they have to have to have to be heels. I have a pair that I like, a pair that I think would work with the basic parameters of my dress.
They are four-inch cork wedges, and they are absolutely adorable. They have light blue, medium blue, spring green, dark green, and brown oval-like dots all over them, and that sounds weird, but it works really well. And they're sandals, exposing my toes and heels and you know, most of my foot. Basically I love these shoes, a lot. I don't wear them much cause I don't wear heels that often, but you know, I really like these shoes and I would definitely wear them to prom. Also they're comfortable, so I wouldn't end up being one of those girls who takes her shoes off and dances barefoot halfway through prom. I feel like that sentence could have been worded better.
Otherwise, yeah, I'll find some shoes to wear. Stilettos are out because they're unspeakably uncomfortable. Wedges are a good bet cause they're comfy and cute all at the same time. Which is great. I'm really tired. So, accessories!
I have a necklace that I'd love to wear if it matches. It's simple, just a pendant on a plain silver chain. I have other chains if the neckline of my dress requires a different length. Oh right, the pendant. It's a little lotus flower. Its petals are all silver and delicate and it has a little red "stone" (read: cut glass) in the center, but it'll match anything because the "stone" is so small you can barely tell what color it is unless you're holding it three inches from your face for some reason.
I also have not one but two anklets I would wear. I mean, I'd only wear one, but I have two options. Whichever one matched, I would wear. The first one is a little brown leather band with a silver stick-type thing (think the kind of stick you'd find in the woods) and a circle that says "embrace life" around it. I'm pretty proud of that anklet, because I converted it from a bookmark to an anklet. I saw potential in it that nobody else saw, not even Blondie, who thought my idea was crazy. Anyways, my other anklet is actually a bracelet that my uncle's mother-in-law gave me. It has colored rocks on it, which makes it really heavy for a bracelet, but it works better as an anklet.
And earrings, I have plenty of those. I'm sure I have a pair somewhere that'll match whatever glorious patch of fabric I decide to swathe myself in for prom.
I'm gonna have Ducky make me a ruffle clutch matching my dress (once I get it) to carry around my stuff in. It will be wonderful and very matchy, I'm sure. Oh, and this ruffle clutch will be made of duct tape, if you forgot/never knew what Ducky's medium was.
So that's it for shoes and accessories. The final category:
This Shit is Expensive.
The other day, I added up what all I expected to have to drop on prom, and it was a lot. Nearly $300! For one night! That includes the following:
-Dress
-Hair
-Dinner
-Tickets
-Accessories
-Shoes
-Pictures
-Other things I forgot, I'm sure
And I decided I don't wanna do the whole corsage/boutaneir (come on, spellcheck! I don't know how to spell it, please tell me!!) thing. I see no reason for UP to buy me a pretty wrist-flower that will fall apart during the night, and I'm quite sure he won't mind not having a pocket-flower of his own. Plus my dress might be green and brown. What would we do then?! What, I ask you, what?!
Anyway, this whole thing is kind of ridiculously expensive. Which is upsetting. So much so that I'm going to storm away from this computer to my bed right now! Hrrumph!
Goodnight,
Razza Ragazza
First up: The Date
This part is easy because it's the only part I have actually completed so far, kind of. I asked my friend... My friend... My friend UP (for Upper Peninsula, which is where he's going to school) to go with me. And as you know, he said he'd "love to," but he also said he'd have to check on some stuff when he got back from spring break. Lucky dog went to Florida. And as I earlier alluded, there's a bit of a story with UP. No better place to put it than here!
So I met him at this 4-H thing. A thing I only went to because Ducky wanted me to, but it was a lot of fun and I'm really glad I went. UP had to leave a day early, but when he did, I made sure to get his phone number. Another thing I'm really glad I did. For a while after that, when we texted it was mostly just about the upcoming AP US History test. We met in March, and the test was in early May, so as you can imagine it was a little boring and forced for a bit. But I'm glad I persevered and kept talking to him.
Now, at some point, his long-term girlfriend had broken up with him. We're talking LONG long term, like two years long term. Not only was he entirely upset because he was no longer allowed to talk to her, he was upset because he soon learned she had a new boyfriend all of something like (exaggeration warning) two days later.
For some unfathomable reason, he decided I was a good person to vent to. And I am! People vent to me all the time, and I actually kind of like it. Makes my problems seem much less significant. Anyway, we were closer after that and we kept in touch better. Eventually he/we decided it would be an excellent idea to actually hang out, which we hadn't done since March because he lived two hours away from me and I didn't have my license yet.
So we went to a movie in a place that was halfway between my hometown and his. It was Mr. Popper's Penguins, I believe. Excellent date movie, right? Then after that we wandered around the little town some more, which was fun. We just wandered and talked until it was time to go. It was a lot of fun, really.
Then about a week or two went by and we were trying to figure out when we could hang out again. Somehow it came up that he really liked me, and I really liked him. So I very suavely asked if he wanted a girlfriend. He responded positively to that question.
But then I had 4-H Exploration Days, and he had Citizenship Washington Focus, which was another 4-H activity, and we couldn't hang out again until the Fourth of July, about three weeks later. He called me before leaving his house and said that he didn't really want to be in a relationship, especially a long distance one, right before college. I completely understood this, and I was totally okay with it. We still hung out and did the Fourth of July thing. We went to a a beach town and watched the fireworks from Blondie's dad's boat, with her then-boyfriend, the long term one I talked about before. Blondie and I owned UP and then-bf at euchre. It was fun.
The beach town we had gone to was about an hour and half from my house, and then an additional two hours from my house to his, and we got to my house at around 3 a.m., so as per the arrangements we had already made, UP stayed over at my house. Nothing happened, he slept upstairs in my room and I spent the night on the couch. He left early in the morning and all was well.
We made plans to hang out again that summer, but then my phone went haywire and I couldn't communicate for a while, and his truck broke down, and the fates just in general conspired against us. So I haven't seen him since the Fourth of July. But we still talk a lot, and we're close friends, so when the perfect opportunity arose, I had to take it. I believe the conversation went something like this:
UP: I can make anything fun.
Me: Even prom? Cause I don't think that's gonna be fun.
UP: Probably lol. :p
Me: Well would you please then? Haha.
UP: How?
Me: Ugh you're gonna make me actually say it. D'you wanna go to prom with me? And don't feel bad if you don't want to.
UP: When is it?
Me: May 5th, so kinda right after you get back from school lol.
UP: Well, I'll have to check my schedule when I get back, not this Sunday but next week. But I would love to :-)
Me: (on the inside) OH THANK GOD I'M SO HAPPY.
(on the outside) Okay cool, yeah just lemme know. Awesome! (:
So yeah. Looks like I have a prom date! I'm pretty happy about this. I probably would not have gone to prom if I hadn't been able to find a date. I just think it wouldn't be as much fun alone.
So, moving onwards then. Next category: The Dress!
This is really not even a category I should be writing about yet. I don't have a dress, and the idea I have in my head is not only totally unreasonably, but very self-conflicting. If that's even a thing. Lemme give you the basic parameters of what I want:
-Flowy
-Can wear more than once
-Eco-friendly; "green"
-Short
-Preferably has straps or halter top style
-Unique
-Summery
-Bright colors maybe, or else earthy colors, or maybe just black
-Under $120
It might be possible to get a dress to match up with all of that--right up until the "under $120" part. And my mom freaked out when I said that was my upwards limit! Seriously, some of my friends are buying dresses that they will only wear once that cost upwards of $200. I'm trying to wear mine multiple times, and my price limit is way under that!
I'm willing to give a little on the environmentally-friendly part just a little bit because a) eco-friendly formal dresses are really hard to find b) if you do find them they're generally super expensive, and c) I plan to wear it more than once so that should count for something. I'm willing to forgo the straps or halter top for the right dress, but ideally I won't have another strapless dress. I already have one of those, and I love it, but I only need one. As you can tell, there's a lot of leeway with the color. I think the perfect dress would be in earthy, softer tones, but I also very much like the idea of a brightly colored dress, and I'm a bit partial to black... Even though the aforementioned strapless dress I already own is black.
I'm not willing to give on the length requirement. I wouldn't ever wear a long dress after prom, so I think it would be a waste to get a long dress. That leads me to my next point: I have to be able to wear it more than once. I will not give on this, not ever. Unless, of course, I find the absolute perfect dress that meets all the other requirements, plus one more: it will look stunning underwater. This is because if I were to find this mysterious and probably mythical dress, I would trash it. I would have an epic and wonderful Trash the Dress shoot, and it would be marvelous. But anyways.
I would love for it to be unique. I definitely want to be the only one there in my dress, but more than that, I kinda sorta wanna be the only one there in a dress that looks anything like mine. I want to be the only one there in a dress that includes shells, for instance. I would totally wear a dress that had shells on it. Continuing along this line of thought, I want my dress to be summery and flowy and romantic, kinda. Which also puts it in line with the whole "wearing it more than once" thing.
But I'm quite sure a dress that meets all of these characteristics is either out of my price range or entirely non-existent. Which makes me sad, so lets move on.
Next Category: Shoes and Accessories
I was gonna put these separate, but I'm getting tired so I'll squish them together. Plus, there isn't a whole lot to say for either of them. Shoes first:
I'm not spending more than $20 on shoes. Preferably I'll just wear shoes I already have. But they definitely have to be heels. I'm literally only five feet tall, so they have to have to have to be heels. I have a pair that I like, a pair that I think would work with the basic parameters of my dress.
They are four-inch cork wedges, and they are absolutely adorable. They have light blue, medium blue, spring green, dark green, and brown oval-like dots all over them, and that sounds weird, but it works really well. And they're sandals, exposing my toes and heels and you know, most of my foot. Basically I love these shoes, a lot. I don't wear them much cause I don't wear heels that often, but you know, I really like these shoes and I would definitely wear them to prom. Also they're comfortable, so I wouldn't end up being one of those girls who takes her shoes off and dances barefoot halfway through prom. I feel like that sentence could have been worded better.
Otherwise, yeah, I'll find some shoes to wear. Stilettos are out because they're unspeakably uncomfortable. Wedges are a good bet cause they're comfy and cute all at the same time. Which is great. I'm really tired. So, accessories!
I have a necklace that I'd love to wear if it matches. It's simple, just a pendant on a plain silver chain. I have other chains if the neckline of my dress requires a different length. Oh right, the pendant. It's a little lotus flower. Its petals are all silver and delicate and it has a little red "stone" (read: cut glass) in the center, but it'll match anything because the "stone" is so small you can barely tell what color it is unless you're holding it three inches from your face for some reason.
I also have not one but two anklets I would wear. I mean, I'd only wear one, but I have two options. Whichever one matched, I would wear. The first one is a little brown leather band with a silver stick-type thing (think the kind of stick you'd find in the woods) and a circle that says "embrace life" around it. I'm pretty proud of that anklet, because I converted it from a bookmark to an anklet. I saw potential in it that nobody else saw, not even Blondie, who thought my idea was crazy. Anyways, my other anklet is actually a bracelet that my uncle's mother-in-law gave me. It has colored rocks on it, which makes it really heavy for a bracelet, but it works better as an anklet.
And earrings, I have plenty of those. I'm sure I have a pair somewhere that'll match whatever glorious patch of fabric I decide to swathe myself in for prom.
I'm gonna have Ducky make me a ruffle clutch matching my dress (once I get it) to carry around my stuff in. It will be wonderful and very matchy, I'm sure. Oh, and this ruffle clutch will be made of duct tape, if you forgot/never knew what Ducky's medium was.
So that's it for shoes and accessories. The final category:
This Shit is Expensive.
The other day, I added up what all I expected to have to drop on prom, and it was a lot. Nearly $300! For one night! That includes the following:
-Dress
-Hair
-Dinner
-Tickets
-Accessories
-Shoes
-Pictures
-Other things I forgot, I'm sure
And I decided I don't wanna do the whole corsage/boutaneir (come on, spellcheck! I don't know how to spell it, please tell me!!) thing. I see no reason for UP to buy me a pretty wrist-flower that will fall apart during the night, and I'm quite sure he won't mind not having a pocket-flower of his own. Plus my dress might be green and brown. What would we do then?! What, I ask you, what?!
Anyway, this whole thing is kind of ridiculously expensive. Which is upsetting. So much so that I'm going to storm away from this computer to my bed right now! Hrrumph!
Goodnight,
Razza Ragazza
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Summary of My Month: Awesome and Not Awesome
I just realized that it has been almost a month (or over a month?) since I last posted. If I thought I had actual readers, I might apologize. (If you are, indeed, an actual reader, consider that your apology.)
So... A lot has happened since my last post. It has been a very full month, some good, some bad, most just busy. But very full nonetheless, so let's just jump right in.
First, there was a lot of badness. A lot of sadness and a lot of badness, because my best friend was gone and nobody even knew. Then I decided I didn't particularly want this badness and sadness and aloneness anymore, so I invited Cowgirl and Blondie, my two best friends since before I can remember, over for the weekend. We played cards, watched movies, made pizza; it was fun. And Blondie's boyfriend had just left her after almost a year and a half, so we talked about that, and after Cowgirl left, I told Blondie about the whole Rock situation. As you might expect, she sympathized with me pretty well.
Then there was another school week, which you know, kind of sucked. Except it meant I had class at my high school, which meant I got to practice my flirting skills on Farmboy, which was fun. He's pretty cool, but not anyone I would ever date or anything. And that feeling is mutual, im 98.7773% sure. Between the two of us, we have enough issues to feed an army, if armies ate issues instead of food. Anyways, it also meant that I had bridge building practice after school a couple of days, which meant that I got to play with spaghetti and laugh at Sophomore as he spilled stuff, again. I swear, every week that poor child spills something. Every week. Oh yeah, and also I have decided I can flirt with him too if I want. And I do. He's cool, but again, we flirt without intention of it going any further. Which is awesome, that's really what I need right now.
So then it was the weekend, and I think that's the weekend that was extra awesome and long. Four day weekend; we had Friday and Monday off of high school for "Midwinter Break." So, I'm pretty sure that's the weekend Birdie spent the night. On Sunday that is. Someone else may have spent the night on Friday or Saturday, I honestly don't remember. But I do know that Birdie was over Sunday after bridge building, and then I took her home before my college class on Monday! So something happened!
Then it was the weekday part of the week again. I kind of hate this part of the week, but let me elaborate on my schedule real quick for you, since you're already so interested anyways.
Monday - Comparative Government, 3:30-5 p.m.
Tuesday - Language and Cultures, 9-11 a.m.
Wednesday - Comp. Gov't, 3:30-5 p.m. ; Contemporary Social Problems 6-9 p.m.
Thursday - Lang. & Cult., 9-11 a.m. ; Astronomy, 6-9 p.m.
Friday - Current Events, 12-1:45 p.m. ; also this happened on all the other days too.
So you can see that my schedule is just oodles of fun... But anyway. After all that, and more flirting and such, it was the weekend again.
And boy was it. That weekend, my parents and I packed up and went to Charlotte for a visit to Queens University of Charlotte, my college of choice. We drove twelve hours down on Friday, went on an awesome visit to and awesome school on Saturday, and drove twelve hours home on Sunday. The visit really was fun, and then on Saturday we went and wandered around downtown Charlotte for a while, which was cool. I like Charlotte, I like it a lot. And I also like Queens.
And by now you've recognized the pattern that I will say "and then it was the weekday part again," or some variant of that. You are correct! But I just said it, so I don't have to say it again. And this time there really isn't anything to elaborate on.
So then... Yup, you guessed it, it was the weekend once more. I got my hair dyed blonde (from a dark brunette-red color--it was a bit of a shock), and my friend Tee got an awesome supermegafoxy red Rebel Streak in her hair. Seriously, it's pretty freakin' sweet. And yes, Rebel Streak does need to be capitalized. But anyways, all that stuff happened on Friday.
Saturday we went shopping, and I got some collegiate-type stuff. Such as towels, because I will need those, and new boots, because they were adorable and on sale. And also, they make me feel a bit like an elf, which I very much enjoy. Probably far more than I really should. But that's beside the point.
Sunday... Sunday was an interesting day. My friend Dragon, who is 22 and would think I was very weird for deciding he should be called Dragon, spent the night because he had been living at home, then had a falling out with his mother, and had been sleeping on various couches for a while... He needed a place to stay, and I offered up my couch. Which displeased my mother slightly, but that's okay. She got over it. It was a little awkward, but it was okay. My dad made him leave early in the morning, before I even got up (which was, uhm, not really early and hardly morning at all actually.), which probably sucked for him, but I wasn't awake so it didn't affect (effect? I always mess those up for some reason.) at all.
Then another boring week of boringness happened.
Then it was the weekend! This past weekend actually! I went to an Astronomical Society meeting on Friday night to get some badly needed extra credit for my astronomy class. Then I spent the night at my friend Ducky's house so I could help her with a flea market-type thing that her church was doing as a fundraiser, which we had to be at early the next morning. Naturally, most of Saturday was spent helping her sell her duct tape creations, which was fun. But two other things happened on Saturday! One of which is happy and exciting!
I (probably) got a prom date! I say probably because he said he would have to check some things once he got back from spring break (lucky dog went to Florida). But he said he would love to, so... I'm 98.9% sure I have a prom date! Who'd a thunk it, right?
Then the other thing... The other thing is less fun and less exciting, and even almost mildly depressing. Very depressing for another person, but less so for me because... I'm not her. Anyways, so Saturday night I spent the night at Blondie's house. Remember how I said a few paragraphs ago that her long-term boyfriend had broken up with her? Well, she was never really incredibly terribly invested in him. She liked him a lot, but I very much doubt she ever really loved him. And she understood why that relationship ended.
But then... She got a new boyfriend, and was with him for two weeks before he broke up with her. And she was more torn up about this than about Mr. Long-Term. I think mostly because she doesn't so much understand why he broke up with her, but she had kind of just been waiting for the long term relationship to end. Which is sad. Her entire situation right now is sad, and I empathize with her a lot. But... As much as I love my best friend, I feel like being as torn up about the end of a two week relationship as she is is just unnecessary. I understand that she wants to know why, but she also said that he told her why. Because he doesn't want a serious relationship right before college starts. And I understand that. Of all the reasons a guy could give me for why he was dumping me, that one is pretty high up there on the forgiveness/understanding scale. (Incidentally, Mr. Prom Date is in college, and we were "dating" (long distance, never saw each other during this time) for a few weeks briefly during the summer before he left. He broke up with me, and gave that very reason. Obviously we're still close friends.)
Anyways. So I hung out with a very depressed Blondie Saturday night, and then she came over to my house on Sunday. She hung out and used the hot tub and such when I went to bridge building. Then when I came back we figured out some logistics, and my mom and sister went to see The Lorax at the same time Blondie and I saw Project X. I sure hope The Lorax is better than Project X, because Project X sucked a lot, and I very much want to see The Lorax. I loved that book. Definitely my favorite Dr. Seuss book.
So then yesterday was Monday, and now it is 1 in the morning and I am sitting her type, type, typing away (bonus points if you get the Zaboomafoo reference!). Oh, also yesterday/last night/a few hours ago, I checked parts on second shift for the first time ever. At my dad's and uncles' small tool and die shop. I've checked parts before, just not on second shift. And I didn't stay for all of second shift, either. I left at like 7:30, cause I was bored. Which turned out to be a good thing, cause the head of the Environmental Science Department at Queens called me as I was driving home! So then I talked to him (and drove) for another fifteen-ish minutes, and then I was home, and then nothing interesting happened. Maybe tomorrow interesting things will happen.
Oh right. Also, today/yesterday we switched classes at high school. Now instead of Current Events, with an awesome teacher and Farmboy to flirt with, I have Personal Finance, with a boring teacher and a former friend who thinks we're still friends. Great, I definitely traded up on that one...
Okay, so that's basically what's happened externally in the last month. I'm sure you're all dying to hear what sorts of craziness my brain has been doing to me since then as well. Don't worry! I plan to tell you. I plan to tell you right now.
There have definitely been ups and downs. I wrote at one point in a journal (does it surprise you that I keep not one, but several? Probably not.) that it was like a tsunami; missing Rock. Because it kind of is. There are warning signs, but I haven't quote figured them out. So, basically the only warning is the good part, which is when it recedes and everything seems awesome. I feel like I'm free of him; he's still in the back of my mind, but I don't miss him nearly as much. But then, WOOOOSH! like a giant-ass wave of terror and destruction, guess what? I suddenly, as if from nowhere, miss the hell out of Rock. I want him to come back right then right there instantly and I want everything to be back the way it was.
But I haven't texted him yet. I will hold off until the onslaught of tsunamis ceases. Then, and only then, will I know that I am capable of being friends with my best friend again. I'm doubtful that this will ever happen, but then again, my brain has done some other pretty awesome stuff recently, so we'll just have to see how it goes.
What awesome stuff, you ask? Well, friend, don't you worry, for I shall tell you. The awesome stuff my brain did requires a very short backstory of not awesome stuff, though. For the full story, and for much of this post to make any sense at all, read the preceding one.
The not awesome backstory is this: I was crying and sad one day for no reason other than my best friend, my Rock, was gone. I cried through one Rise Against song, I'm not sure which one but I'm pretty sure it was from The Sufferer and The Witness album.
The awesome part is this: I only cried through one song and not several because towards the end of the song, I realized something incredible. That something was this (it's late and I'm tired): I have nothing left to lose. Absolutely nothing.
I wrestled with this for a while. Was this a good thing? Was this a bad thing? Was this even a thing? Then I decided it was what I made it, and I wanted it to be a good thing. So... I made it a good thing. I decided to write down all the positive implications of this. I won't list them all for you, though. I'll just say that the first and most important one was that it meant I could flirt with whoever I damn well pleased, including that guy in my astronomy class. Even if he is 27.
I think that's about all I have for tonight. I'll try to keep up a little better with this in the future so that the posts won't be as long, but... No promises.
Goodnight!
--Razza Ragazza
So... A lot has happened since my last post. It has been a very full month, some good, some bad, most just busy. But very full nonetheless, so let's just jump right in.
First, there was a lot of badness. A lot of sadness and a lot of badness, because my best friend was gone and nobody even knew. Then I decided I didn't particularly want this badness and sadness and aloneness anymore, so I invited Cowgirl and Blondie, my two best friends since before I can remember, over for the weekend. We played cards, watched movies, made pizza; it was fun. And Blondie's boyfriend had just left her after almost a year and a half, so we talked about that, and after Cowgirl left, I told Blondie about the whole Rock situation. As you might expect, she sympathized with me pretty well.
Then there was another school week, which you know, kind of sucked. Except it meant I had class at my high school, which meant I got to practice my flirting skills on Farmboy, which was fun. He's pretty cool, but not anyone I would ever date or anything. And that feeling is mutual, im 98.7773% sure. Between the two of us, we have enough issues to feed an army, if armies ate issues instead of food. Anyways, it also meant that I had bridge building practice after school a couple of days, which meant that I got to play with spaghetti and laugh at Sophomore as he spilled stuff, again. I swear, every week that poor child spills something. Every week. Oh yeah, and also I have decided I can flirt with him too if I want. And I do. He's cool, but again, we flirt without intention of it going any further. Which is awesome, that's really what I need right now.
So then it was the weekend, and I think that's the weekend that was extra awesome and long. Four day weekend; we had Friday and Monday off of high school for "Midwinter Break." So, I'm pretty sure that's the weekend Birdie spent the night. On Sunday that is. Someone else may have spent the night on Friday or Saturday, I honestly don't remember. But I do know that Birdie was over Sunday after bridge building, and then I took her home before my college class on Monday! So something happened!
Then it was the weekday part of the week again. I kind of hate this part of the week, but let me elaborate on my schedule real quick for you, since you're already so interested anyways.
Monday - Comparative Government, 3:30-5 p.m.
Tuesday - Language and Cultures, 9-11 a.m.
Wednesday - Comp. Gov't, 3:30-5 p.m. ; Contemporary Social Problems 6-9 p.m.
Thursday - Lang. & Cult., 9-11 a.m. ; Astronomy, 6-9 p.m.
Friday - Current Events, 12-1:45 p.m. ; also this happened on all the other days too.
So you can see that my schedule is just oodles of fun... But anyway. After all that, and more flirting and such, it was the weekend again.
And boy was it. That weekend, my parents and I packed up and went to Charlotte for a visit to Queens University of Charlotte, my college of choice. We drove twelve hours down on Friday, went on an awesome visit to and awesome school on Saturday, and drove twelve hours home on Sunday. The visit really was fun, and then on Saturday we went and wandered around downtown Charlotte for a while, which was cool. I like Charlotte, I like it a lot. And I also like Queens.
And by now you've recognized the pattern that I will say "and then it was the weekday part again," or some variant of that. You are correct! But I just said it, so I don't have to say it again. And this time there really isn't anything to elaborate on.
So then... Yup, you guessed it, it was the weekend once more. I got my hair dyed blonde (from a dark brunette-red color--it was a bit of a shock), and my friend Tee got an awesome supermegafoxy red Rebel Streak in her hair. Seriously, it's pretty freakin' sweet. And yes, Rebel Streak does need to be capitalized. But anyways, all that stuff happened on Friday.
Saturday we went shopping, and I got some collegiate-type stuff. Such as towels, because I will need those, and new boots, because they were adorable and on sale. And also, they make me feel a bit like an elf, which I very much enjoy. Probably far more than I really should. But that's beside the point.
Sunday... Sunday was an interesting day. My friend Dragon, who is 22 and would think I was very weird for deciding he should be called Dragon, spent the night because he had been living at home, then had a falling out with his mother, and had been sleeping on various couches for a while... He needed a place to stay, and I offered up my couch. Which displeased my mother slightly, but that's okay. She got over it. It was a little awkward, but it was okay. My dad made him leave early in the morning, before I even got up (which was, uhm, not really early and hardly morning at all actually.), which probably sucked for him, but I wasn't awake so it didn't affect (effect? I always mess those up for some reason.) at all.
Then another boring week of boringness happened.
Then it was the weekend! This past weekend actually! I went to an Astronomical Society meeting on Friday night to get some badly needed extra credit for my astronomy class. Then I spent the night at my friend Ducky's house so I could help her with a flea market-type thing that her church was doing as a fundraiser, which we had to be at early the next morning. Naturally, most of Saturday was spent helping her sell her duct tape creations, which was fun. But two other things happened on Saturday! One of which is happy and exciting!
I (probably) got a prom date! I say probably because he said he would have to check some things once he got back from spring break (lucky dog went to Florida). But he said he would love to, so... I'm 98.9% sure I have a prom date! Who'd a thunk it, right?
Then the other thing... The other thing is less fun and less exciting, and even almost mildly depressing. Very depressing for another person, but less so for me because... I'm not her. Anyways, so Saturday night I spent the night at Blondie's house. Remember how I said a few paragraphs ago that her long-term boyfriend had broken up with her? Well, she was never really incredibly terribly invested in him. She liked him a lot, but I very much doubt she ever really loved him. And she understood why that relationship ended.
But then... She got a new boyfriend, and was with him for two weeks before he broke up with her. And she was more torn up about this than about Mr. Long-Term. I think mostly because she doesn't so much understand why he broke up with her, but she had kind of just been waiting for the long term relationship to end. Which is sad. Her entire situation right now is sad, and I empathize with her a lot. But... As much as I love my best friend, I feel like being as torn up about the end of a two week relationship as she is is just unnecessary. I understand that she wants to know why, but she also said that he told her why. Because he doesn't want a serious relationship right before college starts. And I understand that. Of all the reasons a guy could give me for why he was dumping me, that one is pretty high up there on the forgiveness/understanding scale. (Incidentally, Mr. Prom Date is in college, and we were "dating" (long distance, never saw each other during this time) for a few weeks briefly during the summer before he left. He broke up with me, and gave that very reason. Obviously we're still close friends.)
Anyways. So I hung out with a very depressed Blondie Saturday night, and then she came over to my house on Sunday. She hung out and used the hot tub and such when I went to bridge building. Then when I came back we figured out some logistics, and my mom and sister went to see The Lorax at the same time Blondie and I saw Project X. I sure hope The Lorax is better than Project X, because Project X sucked a lot, and I very much want to see The Lorax. I loved that book. Definitely my favorite Dr. Seuss book.
So then yesterday was Monday, and now it is 1 in the morning and I am sitting her type, type, typing away (bonus points if you get the Zaboomafoo reference!). Oh, also yesterday/last night/a few hours ago, I checked parts on second shift for the first time ever. At my dad's and uncles' small tool and die shop. I've checked parts before, just not on second shift. And I didn't stay for all of second shift, either. I left at like 7:30, cause I was bored. Which turned out to be a good thing, cause the head of the Environmental Science Department at Queens called me as I was driving home! So then I talked to him (and drove) for another fifteen-ish minutes, and then I was home, and then nothing interesting happened. Maybe tomorrow interesting things will happen.
Oh right. Also, today/yesterday we switched classes at high school. Now instead of Current Events, with an awesome teacher and Farmboy to flirt with, I have Personal Finance, with a boring teacher and a former friend who thinks we're still friends. Great, I definitely traded up on that one...
Okay, so that's basically what's happened externally in the last month. I'm sure you're all dying to hear what sorts of craziness my brain has been doing to me since then as well. Don't worry! I plan to tell you. I plan to tell you right now.
There have definitely been ups and downs. I wrote at one point in a journal (does it surprise you that I keep not one, but several? Probably not.) that it was like a tsunami; missing Rock. Because it kind of is. There are warning signs, but I haven't quote figured them out. So, basically the only warning is the good part, which is when it recedes and everything seems awesome. I feel like I'm free of him; he's still in the back of my mind, but I don't miss him nearly as much. But then, WOOOOSH! like a giant-ass wave of terror and destruction, guess what? I suddenly, as if from nowhere, miss the hell out of Rock. I want him to come back right then right there instantly and I want everything to be back the way it was.
But I haven't texted him yet. I will hold off until the onslaught of tsunamis ceases. Then, and only then, will I know that I am capable of being friends with my best friend again. I'm doubtful that this will ever happen, but then again, my brain has done some other pretty awesome stuff recently, so we'll just have to see how it goes.
What awesome stuff, you ask? Well, friend, don't you worry, for I shall tell you. The awesome stuff my brain did requires a very short backstory of not awesome stuff, though. For the full story, and for much of this post to make any sense at all, read the preceding one.
The not awesome backstory is this: I was crying and sad one day for no reason other than my best friend, my Rock, was gone. I cried through one Rise Against song, I'm not sure which one but I'm pretty sure it was from The Sufferer and The Witness album.
The awesome part is this: I only cried through one song and not several because towards the end of the song, I realized something incredible. That something was this (it's late and I'm tired): I have nothing left to lose. Absolutely nothing.
I wrestled with this for a while. Was this a good thing? Was this a bad thing? Was this even a thing? Then I decided it was what I made it, and I wanted it to be a good thing. So... I made it a good thing. I decided to write down all the positive implications of this. I won't list them all for you, though. I'll just say that the first and most important one was that it meant I could flirt with whoever I damn well pleased, including that guy in my astronomy class. Even if he is 27.
I think that's about all I have for tonight. I'll try to keep up a little better with this in the future so that the posts won't be as long, but... No promises.
Goodnight!
--Razza Ragazza
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